Assertiveness Training

I used to believe that being assertive meant being aggressive. The reality is that you can both assert yourself and be kind. 5 proven tips to be more assertive (without being aggressive): 1/ Express your needs and wants clearly Why: Being direct and honest about your needs helps others understand your perspective and enables them to respond appropriately. It demonstrates self-respect and confidence in your own opinions and feelings. How: "I appreciate your input on this project, but I strongly believe we should take a different approach. Focusing on user experience will lead to better conversion. Can we discuss how we can incorporate both of our ideas?" 2/ Use "I" statements to communicate your perspective Why: "I" statements help you take ownership of your thoughts and feelings without placing blame or making accusations. They create a non-confrontational atmosphere that encourages open dialogue and mutual understanding. How: "I appreciate the effort you've put into this presentation, but I have some concerns about the accuracy of the data. I suggest we review the sources together and make any necessary updates to strengthen our case." 3/ Practice active listening and seek to understand others Why: Active listening demonstrates that you value others' perspectives and are willing to engage in a two-way conversation. It helps build trust and rapport, making it easier to find mutually beneficial outcomes. How: "I hear your concerns about the proposed changes to our team structure. Can you tell me more about how these changes will impact your work? I want to ensure that we address any potential issues." 4/ Offer solutions Why: Offering solutions rather than simply stating problems demonstrates your willingness to work collaboratively and find mutually beneficial outcomes. How: "I understand that you want to launch the new feature as soon as possible, but I have concerns about the current timeline. What if we break the launch into two phases? We can release the core functionality in the first phase and then add the additional enhancements in the second phase. This way, we can meet the initial deadline while ensuring the quality of the final product." 5/ Learn to say "No" when necessary Why: Saying "no" to unreasonable requests or demands demonstrates self-respect and helps you maintain control over your time and resources. It also helps prevent burnout and enables you to focus on your priorities. How: "I appreciate you considering me for this new project, but unfortunately, I don't have the capacity to take on additional work at the moment. I'm committed to delivering high-quality results on my current projects, and taking on more would compromise this. Can we revisit this opportunity in a few weeks when my workload is more manageable?" What’s one thing that helped you become more assertive? PS: Assertiveness is a form of self-care that also nurtures healthy, respectful relationships with others. Image Credit: Jenny Nurick

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

The problem with most advice about “being more assertive” at work: It assumes you won’t be penalized for using it. That assumption changes how a lot of people should read the advice they've been given. I’ve coached over 200 leaders at the director level. The ones who feel most stuck aren’t the ones who lack confidence. They’re the ones who actually followed the advice. They spoke up. They made the ask. They were direct. And watched it land differently than it was supposed to. Social science has a name for this. The double bind. Inside most organizations, many leaders already operate like this: Be collaborative. Be warm. Be easy to work with. Then the leadership advice arrives: Speak up more. Push your ideas forward. Make the ask. The problem isn’t the second list. It’s when the second list replaces the first. Because the signals people were reading as trust and cooperation disappear. And suddenly the same behavior lands very differently. Same ask. Different read. Which means the standard advice “just ask for what you want” skips right past the real constraint. So what actually works? Make assertiveness harder to misread. Here’s what that looks like in practice. ↳ Build rapport before the ask. The relationship isn’t separate from the negotiation. In environments where people are already calibrating how you show up, trust is what makes your ask land as confident instead of demanding. ↳ Use a range instead of a single number. If you want a 10% raise, ask for 12–15. You bring the ambitious number into the conversation without presenting it as a demand. You stay flexible. You negotiate toward what you actually wanted. ↳ Use precise numbers. Research consistently shows precise offers outperform round ones. $92,000 reads like preparation. $90,000 reads like a guess. ↳ Make your direction visible. When your manager understands where you're headed, your asks stop reading as overreach. They start reading as strategy. The double bind is real. But the walls are narrower than most people think. The goal was never to stop being assertive. It was to make your assertiveness legible inside a system that wasn’t always designed to receive it. That is a skill. And it is absolutely learnable. If this reframed how you think about assertiveness at work, share it with someone navigating it right now. In tomorrow’s podcast episode, I’m discussing the research behind this dynamic with Columbia Business School negotiation professor Malia Mason. 🔖 Save this for the next time you need to make an assertive ask at work. Follow me, Jill Avey, for practical leadership strategies most advice skips over.

Most professionals don't struggle because they lack good ideas. They struggle because they don't know how to express those ideas assertively. When people hear the word "assertive," they often think: ❌ Aggressive ❌ Demanding ❌ Confrontational But true assertiveness is none of those things. Assertiveness is expressing your thoughts, needs, and ideas clearly while respecting others. One framework I love is Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication (NVC) model: 1️⃣ Observation State the facts without judgment. 2️⃣ Feelings Share how the situation impacts you. 3️⃣ Needs Explain what matters to you. 4️⃣ Request Make a clear and respectful request. Instead of saying: "You always interrupt me in meetings." Try: "In the last two meetings, I wasn't able to share my thoughts. I felt frustrated because I'd like to contribute to the discussion. Could we make sure everyone gets a chance to speak next time?" Notice the difference. No blame. No accusations. No conflict. Just clarity. And clarity is one of the most underrated leadership skills. The leaders who earn the most respect aren't the loudest people in the room. They're the ones who can communicate difficult messages with confidence, empathy, and respect. What's the hardest part of assertive communication for you?

Aggressive. Bossy. Emotional. Pushy. Unapproachable. Intimidating. These negative perceptions of assertiveness are ones I and many women have faced. I'd like to introduce you to STRATEGIC ASSERTIVENESS. Strategic assertiveness means clearly and confidently expressing one's needs and opinions while respecting others' perspectives and creating collaborative, respectful professional relationships. Here is how women leaders can embody strategic assertiveness: 👑 Self-awareness: Understand your emotions, strengths, and areas for growth. Recognize your biases and the challenges that impact your interactions. 👑 Communicate Clearly: Use precise language to articulate your ideas and decisions. Use "I" statements to avoid misunderstandings and defensiveness. Speak with CONFIDENCE. 👑 Listen: Demonstrate genuine interest in team members' inputs and show that all voices are valued. 👑 Practice Emotional Regulation: Engage in constructive, rather than reactive, interactions. Check in with yourself and take breaks to regulate, reflect, and regain composure. Take deep breaths. You get to have emotions. You're not a robot. Take moments to be in the headspace to be impactful and effective. 👑 Timing and Context: Not every moment is a good moment for being assertive; that's why it's strategic assertiveness. Choose optimal moments for assertive communication, be mindful of timing, and provide context. 👑 Be Flexible: Be open to negotiation and compromise where beneficial. Adaptability is a quality trait. Strategic assertiveness includes adapting to different situations and getting feedback from peers and subordinates. , demonstrating adaptive leadership. 👑 Follow-through: Implement decisions with consistency and accountability. Align words with actions, integrity, and reliability. Follow the above, and the next time you're described as aggressive, bossy, emotional, bitchy, pushy, unapproachable, or intimidating, let them know you are strategically assertive. #assertive #strategic #strategicallyassertive #wordsmatter #leadership #womeninleadership

15 situations to practice being assertive: 1. When someone interrupts you, 🔹 say: “I’d like to finish my thought before we move on.” 2. When you need to say no, 🔹 say: “I can’t commit to this right now, but I appreciate you thinking of me.” 3. When you disagree in a meeting, 🔹 say: “I see it differently—here’s why.” 4. When you need more time, 🔹 say: “I want to do this well. Let’s set a realistic timeline.” 5. When someone takes credit for your work, 🔹 say: “I appreciate the recognition. This was a team effort, and I led X part.” 6. When you receive unfair criticism, 🔹 say: “Can you clarify what you mean? I want to understand your perspective.” 7. When you need to ask for a raise, 🔹 say: “Based on my contributions, I’d like to discuss adjusting my compensation.” 8. When you need to set boundaries, 🔹 say: “I won’t be available after hours, but I’ll handle this first thing tomorrow.” 9. When you need help, 🔹 say: “I could use your input on this. Can we collaborate?” 10. When someone pushes their opinion on you, 🔹 say: “I hear your point, but I have a different perspective.” 11. When a colleague tries to undermine you, 🔹 say: “I’d appreciate it if you came to me directly next time.” 12. When a meeting is dragging on, 🔹 say: “To be mindful of everyone’s time, let’s move to a decision.” 13. When you need to decline an unfair workload, 🔹 say: “I can take this on, but I’ll need to reprioritize other projects.” 14. When someone invades your personal space (physically or professionally), 🔹 say: “I’m not comfortable with that. Please respect my space.” 15. When you need to challenge authority respectfully, 🔹 say: “I see your point, but I’d like to offer an alternative approach.” Your voice matters. Use it. Assertiveness is a skill. The more you practice, the stronger it gets. — 🏵️ Tomorrow in The Modern Executive newsletter: Corporate politics: the game you can’t afford to lose. Click the link under my name. ♻️ Repost it to help others grow. ➕ Follow me, @Misha Rubin, for actionable career, leadership, and life insights.

𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗹𝘁𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘀𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗡𝗢 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗿? Imagine if you could set boundaries while maintaining respect. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗺: • Many employees want to say no to unreasonable requests from their manager but feel trapped.    • They’re scared of damaging their relationship, being judged, or appearing uncooperative. 𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗻’𝘁 𝗦𝗼𝗹𝘃𝗲𝗱 𝗜𝘁: • They lack the confidence to express themselves assertively.    • They fear backlash, such as being labeled difficult or lazy.    • They don’t know how to say no while maintaining professionalism and respect. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗡𝗲𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝗳𝘀 𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗺: • "If I say no, I’ll lose my manager’s trust."    • "I’ll look incompetent if I can’t handle everything."    • "I don’t have the right to set boundaries." 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗡𝗲𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗢𝘂𝘁𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗜𝗳 𝗜𝘁 𝗚𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝗨𝗻𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘃𝗲𝗱: • Burnout from taking on too much.    • Resentment towards the manager and job dissatisfaction.    • Loss of productivity and inability to focus on important tasks. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟭: 𝗦𝗵𝗶𝗳𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗠𝗶𝗻𝗱𝘀𝗲𝘁 • Understand that saying no is not a sign of weakness.    • It’s a way to prioritize your work and ensure quality.    • Your manager values honest communication more than overcommitment. 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟮: 𝗨𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝟯-𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝗔𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗙𝗼𝗿𝗺𝘂𝗹𝗮 1. 𝗔𝗰𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗹𝗲𝗱𝗴𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗥𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁: "I understand this task is important…"     2. 𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗟𝗶𝗺𝗶𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: "…but my current workload doesn’t allow me to give it the attention it deserves."     3. 𝗢𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝗻 𝗔𝗹𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲: "Can we prioritize this for next week, or is there someone else who can assist?" 𝗦𝘁𝗲𝗽 𝟯: 𝗣𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗘𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗖𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 • Stay calm and respectful.    • Show that you care about the team’s goals, but be firm about your boundaries.    • Assertiveness isn’t about being rude—it’s about being clear and confident. 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗜 𝗗𝗶𝗱 𝗜𝘁: When I first struggled with saying no, I’d either overcommit or avoid the conversation entirely. 𝘽𝙤𝙩𝙝 𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙚𝙨 𝙡𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙛𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣. Once I learned assertive communication, I realized I could set boundaries and maintain respect. 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗜’𝘃𝗲 𝗛𝗲𝗹𝗽𝗲𝗱 𝗢𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀: I’ve coached professionals who were overwhelmed by their workload. By practicing assertive communication, they were able to regain control of their time, earn respect from their managers, and perform better overall. 𝗪𝗜𝗜𝗙𝗠: (𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁'𝘀 𝗜𝗻 𝗜𝘁 𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗠𝗲?) Struggling to say no without guilt? 𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝗺𝗲 𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂. • Learn how to set boundaries. • Communicate confidently and clearly. • Build trust while protecting your time and energy. 𝗣.𝗦. DM me for a free discovery call. #peakimpactmentorship  #leadership

Someone sent an email early this week: “Being around new people makes me quite uncomfortable. Until now, my job was fully remote, which suited me well. We’ve recently shifted to a hybrid model, and I’ve realized that I become overly conscious. My seniors have also started treating me like a pushover by assigning unnecessary deadlines and putting me under pressure, even when there’s no urgency. How can I stand up for myself without damaging my work relationships?” She further explained: - I believe I am an introverted person and have always been that way. - I often view myself as inferior to others in social or official gatherings. - The way some seniors speak to me, often with a very authoritative tone, makes me feel disheartened. - I think a part of me holds back out of respect. I replied: You’re not broken. But you are stuck in a story that no longer serves you. You call yourself an introvert. But introversion isn’t the issue here. Avoidance is. You're avoiding them because you're afraid of not measuring up. That’s self-doubt disguised as personality. You feel inferior in social settings because others have seen more, done more. Sure. But here’s the truth: Nobody ever learned how to swim by standing on the shore and watching others talk about the ocean. You’ll learn by showing up as you are, not by waiting till you become "enough." Now to the workplace. You say you don’t push back because you don’t want to be disrespectful or argumentative.  Being assertive is not being disrespectful. And being silent is not being respectful. It’s being invisible. You are not helping your future self by avoiding temporary discomfort today. Here’s what I would do: - Pick one moment this week to say something you normally wouldn’t. Start small. But start. - Script your pushback: “I understand the urgency, but I’ll need until X to do this well.” Firm. Respectful. Clear. - Stop apologizing for not knowing enough. Nobody knows everything. You’re allowed to ask. You’re allowed to not have been everywhere. You’re allowed to learn in real time. This version of you - the quiet one, the one who makes herself smaller - is a story that needs to stop. Time to write a better one. Image via Colby Kultgen and Ben Meer 

"You need to take up more space Leyla, don't defer to others." Leyla walked out of her 2025 review with that feedback burned into her. For twelve months she did exactly what they asked. She spoke first where she used to wait, pushed harder on decisions where she used to soften, and stopped shrinking her tone for the men across the table. 2026 mid year eview, her dotted line VP opens with: 🔇 "Some stakeholders in XYZ project find your leading style a bit too much, and not collaborative." Leyla was utterly confused. Which version of me do you actually want?! The one you ordered last year, or the one you are ordering now. 🤔 She challenged a broken budget forecast in front of the CFO and saved the company 3M. The corridor version was that she had been "abrasive." 🤔 She rescued a project days from imploding. In public she was called gritty. In private she was told she had "dominated." 🤔 She got invited to a leadership offsite and overheard by the coffee machine, "she is great, she is just a lot to handle." Women are not walking a career path. They are walking a tightrope the men beside them cannot even see. 😑 Assertive without threatening anyone, collaborative without disappearing, visible without ever looking hungry. The same behavior that gets a man called decisive gets a woman called a lot. Until you set your own narrative, you are performing for a target that moves every year. Here is how you step off the wire without going backwards. 1️⃣ Audit the pattern, not the feedback. Every piece of feedback goes in a doc. When the goal moves year to year, the pattern is the bias. Bring it to your next review: "Last year I was told more presence, this year less. Can we define success in numbers, not tone?" 2️⃣ Set the frame before they do. Pre-place your story in 1:1s, emails, Slack updates. "This quarter I focused on the number while keeping the team intact, you will see it in project X and Y." Now your assertiveness is interpreted as strategy, not a personality trait. 3️⃣ Build a chorus Two or three senior allies who repeat your value when you are not there. Promotions happen in your absence. If nobody is echoing your work, someone else's story is. This is what we teach inside ⭐𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗛𝗶𝗱𝗱𝗲𝗻 𝗧𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗩𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿⭐. Scripts and a system to stop performing for a moving target and start setting your own terms. 👉 If this landed in your chest, if you have done everything they asked and still hear a new version of "too much," join us in the upcoming cohort that starts 10 August. It is our last cohrot of 2026, only a handful seats are left. Join us here: https://lnkd.in/eHQRXwif You will never be the right amount for a company that keeps moving the definition. 👊 So stop auditioning for their version of you. Build the one they cannot afford to lose.

Boundaries, Assertiveness, Avoidance and Perfectionism. For many high achievers, the inability to set boundaries is self-abandonment dressed up as professionalism, reliability, and being a team player. This week on the Success Reimagined with Amna Shabbir, MD - Podcast, I go solo and cut straight to the core of why boundaries are so hard to set — and walk you through a practical three-step framework to move from avoidance to assertiveness. 💡Podcast Highlights: → Why taking yourself seriously is the foundation of every boundary you will ever set → Avoidance and self-abandonment → How perfectionism dresses up self-neglect as excellence or being a “team player” → Assertiveness can be learned → The 3-Step Boundary Framework This episode will help you start protecting your energy without guilt. 🎧 Ep 63. Boundaries 101 for High Achievers 🎙️ Episode links in comments⬇️