Addressing Unspoken Concerns

Most of our interactions—especially the difficult ones—are negotiations in disguise. In their book Beyond Reason, Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro highlight how success in these conversations often comes down to addressing core concerns—deep, often unspoken emotional needs that shape how people engage. These concerns are: Appreciation, Affiliation, Autonomy, Status, and Role. Ignore them, and you’ll likely face resistance, disengagement, or frustration. Acknowledge and address them, and you create the conditions for stronger relationships, better problem-solving, and more win-win outcomes. I’ve learned this the hard way. Appreciation A senior leader I worked with was frustrated by pushback from his team. The problem? He was so focused on driving results that he rarely acknowledged their efforts. Once he started genuinely listening and recognizing their contributions, engagement skyrocketed. The team felt heard, and collaboration improved instantly. Affiliation A new CEO walked into a fractured leadership team—siloed, political, and mistrusting. Instead of pushing quick solutions, she focused on rebuilding connections, creating shared experiences, and reinforcing that they were one team. The shift in culture transformed their ability to work together. Autonomy A department head was drowning in tactical decisions because his team constantly sought approval. By clearly defining goals, setting guardrails, and empowering them to make decisions, he freed up his time and saw his team step up with more confidence and accountability. Status A high-potential leader felt overlooked and disengaged. His boss didn’t give him a raise or a new title but started including him in key strategic meetings. That simple shift in visibility changed everything—he became more invested, more proactive, and took on bigger challenges. Role A VP was struggling, not because of a lack of skill, but because she was in the wrong seat. When her boss recognized this and shifted her to a role better suited to her strengths, she thrived. Sometimes, people don’t need a promotion—they need the right role. Before a tough conversation or leadership decision, check in: - Am I recognizing their efforts? - Making them feel included? - Giving them autonomy? - Acknowledging their status? - Ensuring their role fits? Addressing core concerns isn’t about being nice—it’s about unlocking the best in people. When we do, we create better conversations, stronger teams, and real momentum. #Conversations #Negotiations #CoreConcerns #Interactions #HumanBehavior #Learning #Leadership #Disagreements

No one ever tells you that the hardest objections to overcome are the ones you never hear. These silent objections kill deals. They are doubts, hesitations, and unspoken concerns that go unaddressed. Prospects don’t feel comfortable sharing them. Maybe they don’t trust you yet. Maybe they don’t want to hurt your feelings. Maybe they’re comfortable with the current way. Maybe they worry about how change could affect their standing. The best salespeople don’t wait for concerns to be voiced. They bring them up first. “It feels like you might be wondering if this is worth switching for.” “It seems like staying with what you have feels like the safer option right now.” “It sounds like you’ve seen similar solutions that didn’t work out.” “You might be wondering what happens if this doesn’t work and it reflects on you.” When you name the unspoken, you make it easier for prospects to open up. Chris Voss calls this labeling, giving a name to what someone is feeling so they feel understood. If you guess wrong, people will correct you. If you’re right, they’ll confirm. Either way, you unlock more truth. When people feel understood, they are more likely to share what is really on their mind. No truth, no transaction.

🚨 Let's talk about the secret deal-breaker in every sales cycle. 🚨 It's not the tech - they could adore it. 💻 It's not the cost - it could be perfectly affordable. 💷 It's not the solution - it could be exactly what they need. ✅ 👻 The real culprit? Change. 👻 A shift in culture... mindset... technology... Employees comfy in their ways, faced with the prospect of altering their workflow due to new tech.💼 Your client is silently pondering: - Will my team actually use this? 🤔 - I don’t want this to be just another unused tool. 🛠️ They’ve been here before: big investments in tech that end up gathering dust. 🌪️ 🔍 Your mission? Dig deep into those silent fears. Early. Try opening with empathy: Sarah, with your 15 years in digital marketing, your insight is invaluable. I’ve heard concerns about change management and tech adoption from other leaders. The last thing we want is for this to become shelfware. How have you and your team navigated introducing new technologies in the past? Prompting this dialogue can uncover hesitations you can address head-on. 🗣️ And if those barriers to change are revealed, be ready with a solution - maybe a chat with a Customer Success or Professional Services lead who can share success stories and guide on best practices for adoption and navigating change. 🌉 Don't let this silent threat undermine your deal. Bring that elephant into the light. 🐘✨

If you think avoiding the tough questions protects the relationship, it actually does the opposite. Lately, I’ve been talking with a handful of CSMs about risk management and I kept hearing the same thing. When I asked if they were having direct, pointed conversations with their customers to uncover the real risks, the response was some version of: “We don’t want to bring that up. It might shine a light on the issue. It could make things worse.” Let me tell you something, your customer already knows the issue exists. They already feel the impact. They already have concerns. You are not hiding anything by avoiding the conversation. You are only delaying the moment they tell you they are churning. Ignoring risk doesn’t protect the relationship. Addressing it does. So here’s the shift every CSM needs to make: Stop tiptoeing around the uncomfortable questions. Start leaning into them. If you want to open up these conversations but don’t know where to start, here are a few simple ways to frame it: 1. “I want to make sure we’re aligned. Can we talk openly about what’s feeling off or creating friction on your side?” This invites honesty without putting them on defense. 2. “I’ve noticed a few signals that concern me. Can we walk through them together so we can get ahead of anything that might impact your goals?” Proactive. Caring. Direct. 3. “If you had a magic wand and could fix one thing right now, what would it be?” This gives them permission to go straight to the pain. 4. “What’s one area you feel we need to improve or support you differently?” This shows humility and partnership. 5. “Before this becomes a bigger issue, I want us to address it now. Can we dig into what’s not working?” This shows leadership and protects the relationship. Strong partnerships aren’t built on perfect experiences. They’re built on honesty, transparency and the courage to talk about what’s not working. If you want to be seen as a strategic partner, ask the questions no one else is asking. That’s where trust starts.

Making Bad Things Discussable Every organization has “bad things”, the quiet issues everyone knows but few will name. The problems linger in corners, whispered in hallways, growing stronger the longer they stay hidden. To make bad things discussable, start simple: 1. Gather real examples. Ask people to share a challenge or frustration that feels unsafe to say out loud. Use their words, not corporate ones. 2. Make them visible. Write or draw the examples where everyone can see them. Patterns will emerge. 3. Notice what to amplify or dampen. Which stories reflect what’s already known? Which surprise you? Decide what deserves more attention and what should quiet down. 4. Hold shared boundaries for the conversation. Don’t rely on one “expert facilitator.” Create conditions where everyone can speak, listen, and reflect together. This isn’t about fixing everything in a meeting. It’s about bringing what’s unspoken into the open, so the organization can stop being haunted by it. Bad things don’t disappear when we avoid them. They can hold or behave differently when we interact with them.

Dear son, Remember when you texted me after your big product pitch? "Mom, I nailed that presentation but no one said ANYTHING afterward. The VP just thanked me and moved on to the next agenda item. What did I do wrong?" First, take a deep breath. This happens to everyone—even seasoned executives with decades of experience. But I need to be brutally honest with you: silence isn't respect or agreement. It's resistance, fear, apathy or confusion. Why They're Really Silent🤫 1️⃣They completely disagree but don't want to embarrass you (or themselves) with a public confrontation 2️⃣They don't understand what you're asking them to do or approve 3️⃣They don't care enough about your proposal to engage with it The mistake most professionals make is interpreting silence as contemplation or agreement. They walk away thinking, "Well, no objections!" only to discover weeks later their proposal died a quiet death. The 3-Step Recovery Plan💪 1️⃣Break the Silence Yourself Don't just stand there awkwardly or retreat to your seat. Instead, say: "I notice we're a bit quiet. I'd value some initial reactions to help me understand if I'm addressing our most pressing priorities." This gives them permission to speak honestly without forcing confrontation. 2️⃣Ask a Specific Question Don't ask, "Any questions?" that's easy to decline. Instead, ask a question that reveals concerns while giving you control: "Which part of this proposal do you feel needs the most refinement before moving forward?" This question assumes they're on board with the general direction (even if they're not) but gives them an opening to voice concerns constructively. 3️⃣Schedule Individual Follow-ups Say: "I know everyone needs time to process. I'd like to schedule 15 minutes with each of you over the next few days to gather your thoughts once you've had time to consider this approach." Then—this is crucial—immediately send those calendar invites. Most objections surface in these one-on-ones that would never come up in the group setting. This is where you'll discover the real roadblocks. What I've Learned the Hard Way✨ The worst thing you can do after silence is nothing. The second worst is sending a cheerful follow-up email saying, "As discussed in the meeting, we'll proceed with..." Nothing was "discussed." That's the problem. When I was younger, I once gave what I thought was a brilliant presentation about a new training program. The room was silent afterward. I took it as approval and spent three months developing materials before discovering the executive team never intended to fund it. They just didn't want to crush my enthusiasm at that moment. That taught me that silence is not golden—it's a warning. Remember This Always👈 Your presentation isn't over when the last slide appears. The most successful leaders understand that this is where decisions actually get made. I'm so proud of how you're navigating these complex workplace dynamics.    Love you always, Mom

One of the most common reasons family enterprises struggle isn’t strategy, capital, or talent. It’s what doesn’t get talked about. 💬 Avoiding difficult conversations can feel like the safer choice when family, history, and emotion are involved. But over time, what goes unaddressed often becomes the greatest risk to legacy. 🧩 Expectations that are assumed, not stated 🧩 Roles and authority that are unclear 🧩 Silence around succession, money, and responsibility In my work, I rarely see families harmed by having difficult conversations. I often see real damage caused by waiting too long — or not having them at all. Difficult conversations aren’t a sign that something is broken. Having them is the cornerstone of governance that actually works. In this Insight for Wingspan Legacy Partners, I explore why confronting what’s unspeakable matters — and share a practical, how-to guide for approaching these conversations with intention, structure, and care. Because in family enterprises, having the conversation is always better than not having it. 🔗 https://lnkd.in/g_P8j_QG #FamilyEnterprise #FamilyGovernance #DifficultConversations #Stewardship #Leadership #Unspeakable

Your team is not quiet. It's calculating. Speak up or stay safe. They choose safe every time. Your meetings run smoothly. No conflict. No surprises. And three weeks later a problem lands on your desk that someone saw coming in February. This is not a team problem. It is a signal problem. Your team reads every cue you send. How you respond to bad news. Whether you challenge your own ideas. What happened to the last person who pushed back. They ran the calculation. They chose silence. Psychological safety is not a culture initiative. It is a set of decisions you make before the room goes quiet. Here are 6 phrases that shift the calculation. THE OPINION MOVE "Before I share mine, what are you seeing?" → You speak last. Your view stops anchoring the room before anyone thinks. THE WORRY MOVE "What's the one thing you're worried about that I don't know yet?" → One question. Asked weekly. Problems surface before they become crises. THE MISTAKE MOVE "Here's what I got wrong last week, and what I'm changing." → You go first. When a leader models it, the team follows. THE CHALLENGE MOVE "What would have to be true for this not to work?" → Invites pushback before the decision is locked. Not after. THE TENSION MOVE "I notice something shifted. Let's name it before we move on." → Unspoken tension consumes more cognitive energy than naming it ever will. THE CHANGE MOVE "The context changed. What do you need from me to make this work?" → Turns an announcement into a conversation. When leaders speak first, anchoring bias takes over. Your team stops processing independently the moment your view is in the room. When leaders acknowledge mistakes openly, threat response drops. The room physiologically relaxes. That is not soft leadership. That is neuroscience. Your team's silence is not a character flaw. It is a rational response to the signals you send. Change the signal. The room changes with it. If this resonates, there is a deeper question worth asking. How much cognitive energy are you spending because your team isn't speaking up? 📌 The CORE Assessment measures exactly this, including what leading your team costs you every day. https://lnkd.in/dTah6_z2 Share this with a leader who builds others up. Follow Maria Luisa Engels for more on sustainable leadership and performance.

Have you experienced the institutional immune response? When someone raises an uncomfortable issue, organisations often respond not by addressing it, but by managing the messenger. I’ve seen this pattern often in operational and governance settings. A concern gets raised, and rather than engaging with it directly, the system reflexively: • reframes it as a style issue • points to a “personality clash” • suggests the messenger doesn’t understand our context • interprets the challenge as over-analytical, disruptive, or unhelpful This isn’t accidental. It’s an institutional immune response, a defensive reflex that protects the organisation’s self-image more than it surfaces the risk. Instead of asking: What’s threatening our strategy? The room shifts to: Who made us uncomfortable by saying it? Suddenly, the worry shifts to the person who raised it, not to the issue itself. That’s where the real danger hides. Boards and Management Teams that want the truth must actively override this reflex. They need to distinguish: • Defensiveness from dissent • Discomfort with complexity from the uncomfortable truth • Social threat from strategic risk So what? What can you do if you spot this in action? Whether you’re the person raising the concern, or the leader hearing it, here are three practical steps you can take: 1️⃣ Reframe the response back to the risk If the conversation starts shifting toward who raised the concern or how it was said, gently redirect it with a clarifying question like: “Let’s park style for a moment - what exactly is at stake here?” This moves the room back to the real issue. 2️⃣ Anchor in impact, not intent Focus on outcomes rather than personalities. For example: “If this risk materialises, what would the impact be on our strategic goals?” This keeps the attention on business consequences rather than social discomfort. 3️⃣ Name the reflex early You don’t have to be confrontational - but naming the dynamic often diffuses it. Try something like: “I hear the pushback on how this was raised, but I want to make sure we’re not dismissing a real risk because it made us uncomfortable.” This signals that you’re aligned with the organisation’s goals - not attacking the people in the room. Real governance doesn’t silence challenge. It engages with it directly - without making the messenger the problem. Boards and leadership teams that do this well don’t just hear tough messages, they deal with them intentionally and without defensiveness. #Leadership #Governance #RiskCulture #DecisionMaking Would love to hear your experience. Photo by Sam Szuchan on Unsplash

Why Aren’t People Telling You What’s Wrong? You’re having regular 1:1s. You’ve told people your door is always open. You want to hear what’s really going on. And yet… you’re still blindsided by issues that should have come up sooner. The real reason people aren’t telling you what’s wrong? It’s not that they’re hiding things. It’s that the subject never comes up in time. A few reason why: 🔹 It doesn’t feel urgent—until it is. Issues can start as small annoyances that don’t seem worth mentioning. By the time they’re big enough to talk about, they’re also harder to fix. 🔹 They think of it at the end—when you're out of time. Ever had someone mention a major issue right as the meeting is wrapping up? That’s a sign the conversation wasn’t structured to surface concerns earlier. 🔹 They don’t realize it’s relevant to you. If they aren’t sure it’s your problem to solve, they might not bring it up at all. 🔹 They need to talk before they find the real topic. Some people need a few minutes of conversation before they even recognize what’s on their mind. If your conversations stay too surface-level, you’ll never get to the real problem. If you’re not hearing about problems early enough, try this: 1️⃣ Ask about friction directly. Instead of just “How’s it going?” try: → “What’s slowing you down right now?” → “What’s frustrating but doesn’t feel urgent yet?” 2️⃣ Push past surface-level updates. Give space for the other person to explore their thoughts. When someone shares a challenge, don’t just acknowledge it—get curious. Ask: → “What’s making that hard?” → “Have you seen this pattern before?” → “What’s the real impact of this?” 3️⃣ Normalize early signals. Let people know that small concerns are worth discussing before they turn into big fires. Talk through the problem before jumping to a fix. If you’re staying at the surface level, you may be missing issues that need addressing. People often don’t even realize what’s slowing them day or getting in their way until they’ve had a moment to explore it.