Writing Thoughtful Feedback for Colleagues

If your feedback isn't changing behavior, you're not giving feedback—you're just complaining. After 25 years of coaching leaders through difficult conversations, I've learned that most feedback fails because it focuses on making the giver feel better rather than making the receiver better. Why most feedback doesn't work: ↳ It's delivered months after the fact ↳ It attacks personality instead of addressing behavior ↳ It assumes the person knows what to do differently ↳ It's given when emotions are high ↳ It lacks specific examples or clear direction The feedback framework that actually changes behavior: TIMING: Soon, not eventually. Give feedback within 48 hours when possible Don't save it all for annual reviews. Address issues while they're still relevant. INTENT: Lead with purpose and use statements like - "I'm sharing this because I want to see you succeed" or "This feedback comes from a place of support." Make your positive intent explicit. STRUCTURE: Use the SBI Model. ↳Situation: When and where it happened ↳Behavior: What you observed (facts, not interpretations) ↳Impact: The effect on results, relationships, or culture COLLABORATION: Solve together by using statements such as - ↳"What's your perspective on this?" ↳"What would help you succeed in this area?" ↳"How can I better support you moving forward?" Great feedback is a gift that keeps giving. When people trust your feedback, they seek it out. When they implement it successfully, they become advocates for your leadership. Your feedback skills significantly impact your leadership effectiveness. Coaching can help; let's chat. | Joshua Miller What's the best feedback tip/advice, and what made it effective? #executivecoaching #communication #leadership #performance

In my first year as a manager I alienated one of my reports by giving him too much feedback in a direct and pointed way. The feedback was "right" but delivered to bluntly and thus unwelcome. Just because you “can” give feedback doesn’t mean you should. The power of your feedback comes from the trust you build with your reports. Here is how you can build it: The most important thing to understand is that even if you have the institutional authority to deliver this feedback (your title), you need the relational authority before you can deliver it effectively. Read this line again please - doing so will help you avoid either giving pain or making problems for yourself (I did both). This means that your reports need to trust and respect you before they will listen to any feedback you give. You can build this trust and respect by: 0) Being Empathetic I was too blunt. I thought that only being right or wrong mattered, not how I said things or the judgment in my tone and words. I lacked Emotional Intelligence (EQ). How you say things matters, and this means not just the words you say but the real intent behind them. My intention in that early review was not truly focused on helping the person, but rather on scolding him into better behavior. I'm not surprised he reacted poorly to it. 1) Being Consistent Good managers are consistently giving feedback—both bad and good—to their reports. Make sure you are recognizing and acknowledging your employees’ strengths as much (or more) than you are pointing out their areas for improvement. This will make them feel comfortable with you pointing out room for improvement because they know you see them for more than their flaws. 2) Never surprise someone with a review. This is related to point 1. If you are consistently giving small pieces of feedback, a more serious piece of negative feedback should not blindside your employee. They should know that it is coming and understand what the issue is. 3) Deliver corrective feedback ASAP, and use clear examples. As soon as you see a pattern of behavior that needs to be addressed, address it using clear evidence. This gives the employee the chance to reflect on the behavior while it is still fresh in their minds, not months later when their review comes around. 4) Check in to confirm that you are being heard correctly Ask the employee if they understand the feedback you are giving and why you are giving it. 5) Be specific enough to drive change The more specific behaviors and examples you can use to support your feedback, the better your employee can understand that you aren’t speaking from a place of dislike or bias. This also gives them more concrete references to inform their behavior change. Readers—What other ways do you build a relationship before giving feedback? (Or, how have you messed this up?)

Feedback fuels High Performance High performance doesn’t happen by chance—it requires a culture where feedback flows freely, consistently, and constructively. Without rich, ongoing, and actionable feedback, growth and performance stall. I was reminded of this recently while listening to Kim Scott’s excellent interview with Guy Raz on the Wisdom from the Top podcast (link in comments—totally worth a listen, especially for her distinction between managing Superstars vs Rockstars). Drawing from her time at Google with Sheryl Sandberg and her experience as a startup founder, Scott developed the Radical Candor framework—a simple yet powerful model for creating feedback-rich environments. At its heart, Radical Candor is about balancing a polarity: caring personally AND challenging directly. It helps us avoid feedback pitfalls like “Ruinous Empathy,” where we avoid difficult conversations to spare feelings, and “Obnoxious Aggression,” where bluntness is delivered without care. Why does this matter for high performance? Because when teams lack actionable feedback, issues fester, decisions are delayed, and growth slows. Feedback isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s a critical driver of results and development. Yet, in my experience, many leaders struggle with this skill. Delivering feedback effectively is not innate—it’s learned and practiced. If you’re looking to build a feedback-rich environment, start with a simple exercise: Draw the Radical Candor 2x2 grid on a whiteboard and ask your team to identify your dominant feedback style as a group—not what you wish it was or think it should be, but how you truly experience the team’s feedback culture. Use this as a springboard for an honest and constructive discussion. - What changes would help us operate in the Radical Candor quadrant more consistently? - What agreements can we make to ensure feedback is both frequent and constructive? And, if the team is unable or hesitant to share their view on the feedback culture - well, that’s also data. Organizations that embrace a feedback-rich culture unlock their full potential. The real question isn’t whether feedback is hard—it’s whether you’re willing to accept the cost of not having it.

When I first asked my team for feedback, the room went SILENT. Why? Because speaking the truth felt too risky. This isn’t just my story, it’s the reality in countless workplaces. Here’s the truth: feedback is a minefield. 🔴 Done wrong? It breeds tension and mistrust. 🟢 Done right? It fixes problems—it transforms teams. Here’s how to get it right: 1/ Timing Is Everything ↳ Feedback during chaos? Disaster. Wait for a calm moment. ↳ A private 1-on-1 works best. 💡 Pro Tip: Start with a positive comment—it sets the tone. 2/ Lead With Solutions ↳ Complaints without fixes = noise. Solutions = action. ↳ Try this: “We could avoid confusion with more clarity upfront. What do you think?” 💡 Pro Tip: Frame solutions as support for the team’s success, not criticism. 3/ Be Clear, Not Cryptic ↳ Instead of “Communication could be better,” say: ↳ “Inconsistent updates slow me down. Weekly check-ins might help.” 💡 Pro Tip: Use examples to back it up—clarity builds trust. 4/ Use “I” Instead of “You” ↳ Feedback isn’t a blame game. Stick to “I” statements to share your perspective. ↳ Example: “I feel I don’t have enough autonomy to contribute fully.” 💡 Pro Tip: Highlight how solving the issue benefits the whole team. 5/ Know When to Let It Go ↳ Pick your battles. Save your energy for what really matters. ↳ Does this impact the team or my work? If not, let it go. 💡 Pro Tip: Focus feedback on what aligns with team goals. 6/ End With a Vision ↳ Great feedback doesn’t just fix problems—it builds something better. ↳ Paint the big picture: “Here’s how this change could help the team hit the next level.” 💡 Pro Tip: Vision-driven feedback inspires action. The takeaway? Feedback isn’t about proving you’re right, it’s about progress. Master these steps, and you’ll not only solve problems, but you’ll also earn respect and trust. What’s your biggest feedback fail (or win)? Share it below. 👇 ♻️ Repost to help your network get better! ➕ And follow Shulin Lee for more.

CEOs ask: “How do I get my team to take feedback well?” My answer: ”Don’t start by giving feedback. Start by taking it.” Here’s a story of how we built our Feedback culture… Most new employees at 321 Education went through an induction in their first few weeks. As CEO, I would often conduct the 1st week. At the end of each day we would take a survey: → Were they satisfied with the sessions ? → What was working ? → What was not ? → Any suggestions ? Standard stuff. But what was different was what happened next morning. I would start the day by sharing the feedback we got: → I would share the aggregate data and my views on it. If it was not great I would share my plans to improve the next day’s score. → I would then highlight everything they said was working & our plans to double down on this. → Finally I shared everything they said was not working & their suggestions. I broke them in 2 lists: Suggestions we will apply and those we won’t. For both lists I gave reasons why. This process would go on every day for the entire induction. At the end of this period 3 things happened: 1) Our new employees saw that, for us, feedback was not just talk. It was deeply embedded in our ways of working. 2) Everyday they saw examples of how to take feedback well. From the CEO to every person they encountered was open to feedback & took it positively 3) They also saw that feedback was not an appeasement activity. We wouldn’t just do something because they suggested it. We had clear objectives & suggestions which helped in their attainment were adopted & rest were not. For both clear reasons were given. Note, till now, very little feedback had been given from us to them. Most of it was from them to us. Then when we gave them feedback they were a lot more open to it. Also they had examples they could emulate of how to take it well. Soon, taking & giving feedback well became a part of how they operated. This is how the culture of feedback at the organisation was sustained even as we grew rapidly. No big intervention was required for this. Just atomic actions done regularly. #Culture #Feedback #Management ——————————————— What’s your favorite way to build a feedback culture in a team?

Giving feedback used to feel daunting. That pit-in-the-stomach feeling before every  conversation. But here’s what I’ve learned: Feedback isn’t the enemy of good relationships. It’s what makes them stronger. The problem isn’t feedback.  It’s how most of us were taught to give it. We learned to point out what’s wrong. To focus on mistakes. To make people feel small. But what if we flipped the script? ➡️ What if instead of: “You should have known better” 💡We said: “What can we learn from this for next time?” ➡️ Instead of: “That’s not how we do things here” 💡 We said: “Let me show you our approach, and why it works.” ➡️ Instead of: “You’re not meeting expectations” 💡 We said: “Here’s what needs to improve, and how to get there.” The shift isn’t just in the words. It’s in the mindset. When we lead with curiosity instead of judgment, People stop defending, and start problem-solving. When we focus on the path forward, They come to you sooner, before things fall apart. When we make it safe to struggle, They try harder things. Feedback becomes less like criticism,  and more like collaboration. The conversations I once dreaded? Now they’re some of my most meaningful  moments as a leader. Because feedback done right isn’t about being critical. It’s about being helpful. And that shift? It changes everything. ♻️ If this resonates, repost for your network. 📌 Follow Amy Gibson for more leadership insights.

Have you ever noticed how a single piece of criticism can linger in your mind longer than a dozen compliments? This phenomenon, known as the "negativity bias," is an evolutionary survival mechanism deeply embedded in our brains. It made sense for our ancestors who needed to stay alert to dangers, but in our modern era, it often causes us to dwell unnecessarily on negative experiences. This bias influences more than just personal feelings; it can impact our professional decisions and relationships as well. By understanding that our brains are predisposed to focus on the negative, we can start to retrain ourselves to also see the positive. Recognizing this can lead to a significant shift in how we process daily interactions and setbacks, leading to a healthier, more balanced perspective. The real challenge is to transform our awareness of this bias into action. When faced with criticism, try to balance it with positive affirmations. For every negative comment, remind yourself of two positive achievements. Share your successes and positive experiences openly; this not only helps to counterbalance your own biases but also encourages others to focus on their positives, fostering a supportive and resilient network. Additionally, nurturing a workplace culture that values constructive feedback over criticism can help in reducing the impacts of negativity bias. Encouraging open communication and celebrating small wins are practices that can enhance team morale and overall productivity. But how do we embed this into our daily routine? Start with small, manageable changes: - Begin meetings with positive updates from each team member. - Keep a gratitude journal to note daily successes or things you are thankful for. - Set reminders to recognize and appreciate others' efforts regularly. Over time, these practices can help shift the focus from what's going wrong to what's going right, enhancing not just individual well-being but also contributing to a more positive organizational climate. In summary, while our brains may be wired to prioritize the negative, we have the power to change this narrative. By fostering a culture that balances critical insights with positive reinforcement, we can enhance our personal well-being and drive our teams towards greater success. Let’s continue to challenge ourselves to focus on the positive, embracing a more balanced view that can lead to a more fulfilling personal and professional life. #leadership #culture

Last week, a mentee came to me after her annual review. Her feedback was good — specific enough to sting a little. She walked out with every intention of acting on it. I asked her one question: "What's different on your calendar this week?" She paused. Nothing was different. That's where feedback dies — not in the reading of it, but in the week after, when life resumes and the document closes. Understanding feedback and acting on it are two completely different skills. Most people only practice one. Here's what I told her to do instead: 𝟭/ 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗮 𝗯𝗲𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿 "Be more strategic" tells you nothing. This does: take the project you're leading and present how it accelerates a priority your organization cares about — before your next leadership meeting. Specific. Timely. Actionable. For every piece of feedback, ask: what does this look like in practice? 𝟮/ 𝗔𝗱𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹𝘀 If it doesn't make it into your goals, it's not going to happen. Don't create a separate "development item" that lives outside your work — embed it into the goal itself or into how you'll achieve it. If the feedback is "delegate more and develop your team," don't just note it. Update your existing goal to: 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘟 𝘣𝘺 𝘘3, 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘬𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘴. Same goal. The feedback is now inside it. 𝟯/ 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁'𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗿 Your calendar is your priorities made visible. If the change you need to make doesn't appear there, it won't happen. If the feedback is "scale your impact by partnering across the organization," don't wait for opportunities to show up. Schedule 1:1s this week with leaders in adjacent teams to learn their priorities. What's on your calendar next Monday tells you more about your intentions than anything you wrote in your development plan. 𝟰/ 𝗧𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 Share what you're working on with a peer, a mentor, or your manager. Not for accountability theater — because saying it out loud makes it real. And it invites the micro-feedback you'll need along the way. 𝟱/ 𝗦𝗲𝘁 𝗮 𝟵𝟬-𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸-𝗶𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 Not "am I trying harder?" — what's actually different in what you do? If the answer is nothing, the feedback is already expiring. The annual review is a gift. Most people open it, admire it, and put it back in the box. If nothing changes in what you do, the outcome is likely to be the same. What’s one change you’ve actually put on your calendar this year? PS: If you know someone in the middle of their review cycle — send this their way. --- Follow me, tap the (🔔) Omar Halabieh for weekly Leadership and Career posts

At Radical Candor, I often hear the question, "How do I know if my feedback is landing?" The answer is simple but not always easy: Radical Candor is measured not at your mouth, but at the listener’s ear. It’s not about what you said, it’s about how the other person heard it and whether it led to meaningful dialogue and growth. Before you start giving feedback, remember the Radical Candor order of operations: get feedback before you give it. The best way to understand how another person thinks is to ask them directly and reward their candor. Next, give praise that is specific and sincere. This helps remind you what you appreciate about your colleagues, so when you do offer criticism, you can do it in the spirit of being helpful to someone you care about. When giving feedback, start in a neutral place. Don't begin at the outer edge of Challenge Directly, as this might come across as Obnoxious Aggression. Just make sure you're above the line on Care Personally and clear about what you're saying. Pay attention to how the other person responds - are they receptive, defensive, sad, or angry? Their reaction will guide your next steps. If someone becomes sad or angry, this is your cue to move up on the Care Personally dimension. Don't back off your challenge - that leads to Ruinous Empathy. Instead, acknowledge the emotion you're noticing: 'It seems like I've upset you.' Remember that emotions are natural and inevitable at work. Sometimes just giving voice to them helps both people cope better. If someone isn't hearing your feedback or brushing it off, you'll need to move further out on Challenge Directly. This can feel uncomfortable, but remember - clear is kind. You might say, 'I want to make sure I'm being as clear as possible' or 'I don't feel like I'm being clear.' Use 'I' statements and come prepared with specific examples. Most importantly, don't get discouraged if feedback conversations sometimes go sideways. We tend to remember the one time feedback went wrong and forget the nine times it helped someone improve and strengthened our relationship. Focus on optimizing for those nine successes rather than avoiding the one potential difficult conversation. Creating a culture of feedback takes time and practice. Each conversation is an opportunity to get better at both giving and receiving feedback. When you get it right, feedback becomes a powerful tool for building stronger relationships and achieving better results together. What’s one small adjustment you’ve made to give or receive better feedback? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Most people don’t actually give feedback. They give opinions! This is because opinions are cheap. Feedback is expensive. When someone asks for feedback, they’re not asking what you like. They’re asking how they can get better. It’s a fundamentally generous act; they’re saying, “I respect your judgment enough to let it shape my work.” And yet, most people respond with: “Hmm, not feeling it.” “It’s missing something.” “I don’t love this.” What a waste of trust. The point of feedback isn’t to show how perceptive you are. It’s to help the other person move forward. That’s why I think feedback should be treated like goals. it should be SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. Otherwise, you’re not helping, you’re just talking. - Specific means cutting out vagueness. Say what worked or didn’t. “The opening line feels generic. Start with a story instead.” “Slide 3 and 4 repeat each other, combine them.” - Measurable means there’s a way to tell if it’s better. “If readers can summarise your argument in one sentence after reading, you’ve nailed it.” “If your bounce rate drops below 40%, the new version works.” - Achievable means don’t tell someone to burn it all down when they just needed a window open. “Trim the first 300 words. Don’t rewrite the essay.” - Relevant means tie it back to their goal, not your taste. “This post is meant for operators, not VCs, use fewer buzzwords.” - Time-bound means don’t leave it in the void. “Try reworking the intro this week. Send it again by Friday.” You’d be shocked how few people do this, especially senior folks. They think feedback is about being right, when it’s actually about being helpful. Someone coming to you for feedback is taking a small emotional risk. They’re saying, “Here’s something I made. Please don’t crush it. Please help me make it better.” If you don’t have the time or interest to do that thoughtfully, it’s perfectly fine to say, “I can only offer an opinion, not actionable feedback.” But please, don’t hand out half-baked thoughts and call it mentorship. Bad feedback can be more damaging than silence. It sends people spiralling, doubting their instincts, and wasting time fixing things that weren’t broken. The best feedback offers clarity, a next step, and does so without ego. So next time someone asks for your thoughts, pause before you answer. Are you offering opinion or direction?