Executive Coaching Techniques

My top takeaways from executive coach Rachel Lockett: 1. The biggest skill gap in new leaders is knowing when to coach vs. when to tell people what to do. When you constantly provide answers, you train your team to bring you every problem instead of building their own problem-solving skills. The people you hire are experts in their domain—ask curious questions to help them reach their own solutions, which makes them more motivated and capable. Save direct advice for urgent situations or when someone genuinely lacks the necessary skills. 2. Use these four questions to coach someone to figure out the answer or themselves: When someone brings you a problem, use GROW: Goal, Reality, Options, and Way forward. Ask about their desired goal (what does success look like?), their current reality (where are you stuck?), possible options for a path forward (what could you do next?), and a concrete way forward (what will you actually do next?). These questions help people discover solutions they already have the context to find. You don’t need to follow this exact order; just use whichever type fits the moment. 3. Use this four-step framework for difficult conversations: Observations, Feelings, Needs, Requests. Start with factual observations anyone could verify (not interpretations). Share your feelings without blame (I felt anxious, confused, disconnected—not “I feel like you. . .”). Name your underlying human needs (clarity, collaboration, connection). Make a small, achievable request the other person can actually fulfill. Stay on your side of the net—talk about your experience, not what you assume about them. This lets you be bold without triggering defensiveness. 4. In conflict, aim for mutual understanding, not proving you’re right. When you enter a difficult conversation trying to convince someone they’re wrong, they become defensive and armor up. Instead, focus on helping the other person understand your experience so they can empathize and see clearly what’s happening. This shift from convincing to connecting creates space for genuine dialogue where both people can be heard and find solutions together. 5. Burnout happens when you spend too much time outside your natural strengths, not just from working too hard. For two weeks, write down the five things each day that energized you most and the five that drained you most. Look for patterns. People burn out not just from working hard but from spending too much time doing things that deplete them—even if they’re good at those things. 6. Co-founder relationships need scheduled maintenance time, like marriages. Sixty-five percent of startups fail because of co-founder conflict, not business problems. Set up regular check-ins—weekly touch-bases, monthly lunches, quarterly in-person reviews—to ask: How is this working for you? Are we aligned on vision and strategy? What am I doing that frustrates you? What’s gone unsaid?

Ever wondered how you can transform seasoned mid-level leaders into visionary senior leaders right within your organization? Here’s a compelling case study that might inspire you to rethink your approach. Imagine leading an executive presence intervention for a top-tier manufacturing unit within a global engineering giant. With 12 leaders, each boasting over 20 years of stellar performance, the challenge was clear: ignite their passion for growth and elevate their executive presence for high-stakes meetings and CXO conversations. The goal? Beyond refining their skills, we aimed to instill the gravitas needed to drive the organization’s vision and foster authentic leadership from the inside out. Here’s what we did: 1. Crafted a Six-Month Leadership Odyssey: Dynamic group coaching sessions fostered stronger bonds and deep trusting conversations. Leaders felt safe to open up and share their vulnerabilities, creating a powerful foundation for growth. A 100-day support process bridged virtual gaps. 2. Customized Coaching: Each leader received personalized coaching, enriched by insights about Fortune 100 CXOs. We focused on Executive Presence and applied innovative communication techniques to enhance their gravitas and presence in critical meetings. The Result? These leaders didn’t just evolve—they underwent a profound transformation into change agents who propelled the organization towards sustainable change and new heights of employee and customer-centric excellence. They embraced authentic leadership, leading with confidence and authority in every high-stakes meeting. What Can You Take Away? 1. Foster Deep Trust: Create an environment where leaders can open up and share their vulnerabilities. Deep trusting conversations are essential for authentic leadership and sustainable change. 2. Enhance Executive Presence: Equip your leaders with the skills and confidence needed to handle CXO conversations and high-stakes meetings with gravitas. Tailor interventions to build their presence from the inside out. 3. Embrace Inside Out Leadership: Focus on nurturing leadership qualities from within. Authentic leadership starts with understanding oneself and extends to how leaders engage and inspire others. 4. Drive Sustainable Change: Ensure your leadership programs are designed to create lasting impact. Invest in ongoing support and personalized coaching to facilitate long-term growth and transformation. Here’s to unleashing the incredible potential within your organization! #LeadershipDevelopment #SuccessionPlanning #ExecutivePresence #AuthenticLeadership #InsideOutLeadership #CXOConversations #HighStakesMeetings #TransformationalLeadership #SustainableChange #Impact #Gravitas

Feedback is a gift — except when it’s wrapped in ambiguity. “𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝑬𝒙𝒆𝒄𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝑷𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆” is a classic example. It sounds insightful but offers no map, no metrics, no next step. What if the real work starts by decoding what that feedback was trying to say? If you are the one that received such feedback, start here: 🔅𝐐𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: Articulate what you mean by executive presence and ask what would they add or subtract to that definition. For eg, "Bob, To me, Executive Presence is an authentic way to command the room. How do you see it?" 🔅𝐃𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐫: Ask what would be the behaviour to demonstrate that you have it. Eg: "Bob, I take care to prepare well for important stakeholder conversations and pay attention to the audience in the room. I also network with my stakeholders before the meeting. What else do you find missing? What behaviour will demonstrate to everyone that I have worked on it?" 🔅𝐌𝐚𝐩 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐅𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤: Find the link between the behaviour stated and the input, process, output, as highlighted in the framework. Now you know what needs to be built. More on the framework in my blogs in comments. 🔅𝐃𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐌𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬 (𝐌𝐨𝐒): Define your MoS and share it with your manager/stakeholder who gave you the feedback in your next catchup and share progress against it. Ask their feedback. If you are the one working directly on Executive Presence (without feedback) and are getting overwhelmed, know that: 🔅It's a 𝐣𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐲 not a one-day miracle. 🔅Each element in the Executive Presence framework is like a muscle and needs 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞. 🔅While going to the visible elements directly looks like a shortcut, you will not be able to sustain it. So work 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲. If you are still asking where to start: 🔅𝐈𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬 you already are good in the framework and keep whatever you are doing well already. 🔅For the areas that need improvement, c𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝, 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞 & 𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐞 by taking one area of focus every quarter. 🔅Ask for 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 from those who care enough. 🔅𝐆𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐫. #coaching #executivecoaching #presence #feedback

He’s smart… but honestly? He’s scary.” That was the first sentence HR whispered to me about a Vice President He wasn’t disliked, he was feared. A genius in strategy, numbers, and results. But people avoided him. Team members turned silent in meetings. Emails went unanswered. Projects slowed, not because of skill gaps, but communication breakdown. When I was brought in to coach him, he looked at me with crossed arms and said, “I don’t need soft skills. I just need people to do their jobs.” The Breakdown Wasn’t in Intelligence It Was in Impact. I handed him a printed copy of his last 10 emails. “Could you please Read these aloud,” I said. He glanced at them, smirked, and began. After the second one, he paused. “Did I… actually write this?” “Yes,” I said gently. “That’s how you sound to them.” One email said: “Fix this immediately. Why wasn’t this escalated earlier?” Another said: “Need a response. Not excuses.” He looked up. “This sounds rude.” I nodded. “It does. And no one’s telling you, because they’re afraid.” Over 3 executive coaching sessions, we didn’t change what he said—we changed how he said it. We worked on tone. On email structure. On silence. On saying “I understand where this is coming from” before saying “Here’s what needs to happen.” We role-played tough conversations. Practiced listening—really listening—not just pausing to speak. He didn’t soften his standards. He sharpened his empathy. 3 Months Later: Anonymous Feedback HR conducted a 360° feedback review. One note stood out: “He’s still brilliant. But now, he listens. He makes space for others to contribute. I no longer dread meetings I look forward to them.” Another said: “He hasn’t lost his edge. He’s just added warmth.” He sent me a message: “I didn’t realize people were scared of me. Thank you for showing me how to lead with clarity, not fear.” 💡 The Takeaway? Being smart is not enough. Being respected isn’t the same as being feared. Your brilliance should create safety, not silence. You can be direct without being dismissive. You can be assertive without being aggressive. You can lead with power and still be approachable. Because influence without emotional intelligence is just intimidation. And intimidation builds walls—not teams. Are you a leader ready to transform the way your words land? Let’s rebuild your communication style—so your intelligence invites, not isolates. #ExecutivePresence #SoftSkillsForLeaders #EmotionalIntelligence #HighImpactCommunication #LeadershipTransformation #CommunicationCoach #FromScaryToStrong #TrainWithShivani #LeadershipThatListens

In executive coaching, one of the patterns I keep seeing with high-potential leaders is this quiet but costly mistake: they walk into high-stakes rooms feeling the need to prove dominance, when what the room actually responds to is authority. Those two things may look similar on the surface, but they operate very differently in practice. Dominance tends to lean on volume, speed, and presence for its own sake. Authority, on the other hand, is built on relevance, timing, and the ability to add value when it matters most. In rooms where decisions carry weight, the person who understands what is really happening beneath the surface usually has more influence than the person who is simply the most visible. I remember working with an executive who had done the work. They were prepared, sharp, and clear on their position going into a critical meeting. But once they got in the room, the energy shifted. It was fast, loud, and slightly combative, and instead of grounding themselves in their strength, they tried to match that energy. In doing so, they moved away from what actually made them effective, which was their ability to observe patterns, pick up on nuance, and offer precise insight. They didn’t lose because they lacked competence. They lost because they abandoned their edge. Interestingly, the person who ultimately shaped the outcome of that meeting was not the loudest voice. They spoke last, said very little, and yet managed to reframe the conversation in a way that everyone aligned with. That is authority at work. It is not about how much you say, but how accurately you read the moment and how intentionally you choose to show up in it. This is where I often introduce what I call the R.E.A.D Strategy™, a practical way to build situational authority rather than defaulting to performance. First, read the room before you contribute. Give yourself a moment to understand the tone, the tensions, and the unspoken dynamics rather than rushing to be heard. Then, evaluate the energy and the underlying power structure. Who is influencing decisions? Who is holding back? What is not being said that is shaping the direction of the conversation? From there, align your communication to the environment. This is where flexibility matters. Not every room needs the same version of you. Sometimes, clarity wins. Sometimes, restraint does. Sometimes, a well-placed question carries more weight than a long explanation. Finally, deliver your insight at the moment it will land with the most impact. Timing is often the difference between being heard and being ignored. When your contribution connects to what the room is already grappling with, it does not feel like an interruption, it just feels like direction. That is the difference. It is not about taking up more space, it is about making the space you take count.

🧠 How do you stay composed when everything’s on the line? We need to win the inner game. A few years ago, I watched a brilliant executive unravel in a crucial meeting—not because of poor strategy, but because of a single emotional reaction. It wasn’t what he said, but how he said it. The tone. The tension. The defensiveness. And just like that, trust evaporated. Since then, I’ve seen this happen in many forms: – The leader who snaps under pressure. – The high-potential talent who freezes mid-presentation. – The founder who retreats from engagement when this is needed with key stakeholders. We all know that emotions play a central role in leadership—but what separates the exceptional from the rest is how they respond when emotions run high. That’s the focus of this new article: “Winning the Inner Game: How Leaders Control Emotions When It Matters Most”. 🧭 A practical framework for emotional mastery in high-stakes communication. It’s grounded in psychological research, real coaching practice, and lived leadership stories. Four principles stand out: 🔹 Preparation – Anticipate stressors, rehearse your responses. 🧘 Physiology – Anchor your breath, body, and voice to project calm. 🗣️ Language – Choose words that defuse, not ignite. 🧠 Mindset – Shift the inner narrative to respond, not react. There’s also a simple, powerful tool you can start using immediately—the STOP technique—to pause, breathe, observe, and proceed with clarity. These techniques aren’t just theory—they’re what help leaders regain control, rebuild trust, and create safe, effective spaces for others. The techniques are very complementary to ongoing leadership development coaching work as well. I’ve written this article because the topic of “emotional control in the moment” has been an increasing question from participants in various leadership and communication classes, courses and webinars in the past year. "Winning the inner game" is "not set and forget", I also find myself using the techniques to help in my own work. Also, please share you own reflections about tools and techniques that have helped you with building emotional control. 🟦 Read the article. Try one technique in your next high-stakes moment. Then reflect on the difference. Because emotional leadership starts within. #EmotionalIntelligence #LeadershipPresence #ExecutiveCommunication #InnerGame #MindfulLeadership #LeadershipTools #Resilience #EQ #LeadershipDevelopment #INSEAD INSEAD Knowledge INSEAD Executive Education INSEAD Alumni Association Australia and New Zealand Daniel Goleman Manfred Kets de Vries Peter Cumming Neil McGregor

Most leaders I coach are overwhelmed right now. They’re under immense pressure. Doing the work of three or more people. Trying to lead through change while barely keeping it together. But the problem isn’t effort. It’s capacity. It’s clarity. It’s support. Interestingly, only 28% of leaders say they feel confident making strategic decisions under pressure.(McKinsey) That’s not a performance issue. That’s a training gap. Here’s what I see every week: Underperformers: • React all day • Avoid delegation because it takes too long to explain • Stay buried in execution • Wait until things break before speaking up • Make last-minute, scattered decisions Most leaders: • Delegate, but the work bounces back • Try to think strategically, but never have the space • Say yes to too much • Work harder to outrun the overwhelm • Get stuck doing everything except the work that actually moves the needle High-performers: • Prioritize with precision • Delegate with structure and follow-through • Schedule and protect time to think • Communicate early, directly, and with context • Make confident decisions rooted in business value The difference isn’t talent. It’s method. And it’s teachable. Here’s what we walk through in a High-Performance Executive Coaching session: Step 1: Audit your workload We pull up your calendar and task list. We find the friction, identify the rework, and name what’s quietly draining your capacity. Step 2: Clarify what matters most We define high-value work for your current role and goals. What drives results in the next 90 days? What earns trust, traction, and visibility? Step 3: Rebuild your decision filters We give you a way to sort priorities and requests so you stop reacting, and start leading based on what really matters. Step 4: Delegate with clarity We shift from vague handoffs to fully structured ownership. Your team steps up. You step out of the weeds. Step 5: Schedule and protect time to think We build the structure that gives you space to think, decide, and lead. If you can’t think, you can’t lead. Enough said. This is what high-performers do differently. Not just to stay afloat, but to lead with confidence when the pressure’s high. If this felt uncomfortably familiar, that’s a signal. We coach leaders through this every week. And it works. Let me know if you want an Executive Coaching Session to help get you out of the weeds and into the real work your role demands. #OverwhelmedLeaders #ExecutiveCoaching #LeadershipDevelopment #HighPerformanceLeadership #Delegation #DecisionMaking