Understanding Body Language in Negotiation

7 years ago, I hosted a TED Talk that got 5.8M views. Funnily enough, 5 years prior, we analyzed 1,000+ hours of them trying to answer 1 question: Why do some TED Talks go viral, while others don't? 1 thing CLEARLY stood out: Hand gestures. I'm not kidding. When we compared the most viewed TED Talks to the least viewed ones, the top performers used almost TWICE as many hand gestures (465 vs 272 in an 18-minute talk). Why? Because it's evolutionary. When cavemen encountered strangers, the first place they looked was the hands - friend or foe? Our brains are still wired this way. When we can't see someone's hands, our brain gets uncomfortable because we can't see intention. This is just one of the many ways that the best TEDTalkers stood out. And one of the many ways that humans are contagious. We're constantly sending and receiving signals: • Nonverbally: Our facial expressions trigger the same emotions in others (try making a genuine smile right now - feel better?). • Verbally: Asking "working on anything exciting?" instead of "been busy lately?" triggers dopamine in the brain, making you more memorable. • Emotionally: Saying "I'm excited" instead of "I'm nervous" before a task improved performance by 27% in research studies. The most viewed TED speakers are masters at infecting their audience with confidence through their nonverbal, verbal, and emotional signals. Next time you give a presentation or even have a coffee chat, think about how you're "infecting" others. • Are you smiling authentically?  • Are your hands visible and expressive?  • Are your questions triggering excitement?  • Are you reframing nervousness as excitement? Small shifts can completely change how people respond to you. The most powerful thing I've learned in 15+ years of human behavior research: Confidence isn't just something you feel - it's something you can intentionally spread. BTW I DID make sure to use over 400 hand gestures in my TEDx London Talk 🖐️ PS: Check out the link to my talk in the comments section.

To every leader who has ever wondered... "Am I too quiet to lead?" This is for you. You enjoy solitude. You don't chase attention. You don't speak just to fill the silence. You would rather have one conversation that matters than a hundred that don't. And yet, somewhere along your leadership journey, you may have felt the pressure to become more extroverted. More visible. More outspoken. More "dynamic." I want to tell you something I have seen after coaching hundreds of senior leaders. Your quietness is not the problem. Trying to be someone you are not is. Some of the most respected leaders I have worked with are deeply authentic. Their gravitas doesn't come from raising their voice. It comes from their calm presence. Their composure under pressure. Their ability to listen without rushing to respond. Their thoughtful decisions. Their consistency. Their authenticity. People don't trust them because they are the loudest person in the room. People trust them because they are the most grounded. Executive Presence has never been about becoming an extrovert. It is about becoming the most authentic version of yourself. When authenticity is combined with gravitas, composure, warmth, and genuine curiosity, people naturally lean in. That is influence. So if you see yourself in this post, don't spend your energy trying to become louder. Invest it in becoming more authentic. Your calm can reassure a room. Your composure can steady a team. Your presence can inspire confidence without demanding attention. Sometimes the quietest leader creates the loudest impact. Have you ever felt pressure to change your personality to succeed as a leader? Or did embracing your authenticity become your greatest strength? #ExecutivePresence #Leadership #Authenticity #Influence

How top negotiators get more information under pressure. A simple technique most people overlook or misuse  in high-stakes deals. There’s one powerful technique that works wonders in negotiations but many people either overdo it or don’t know about it. It’s called 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗰 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴. As an ICF certified coach with over 15 years of experience in high-stakes negotiations, I've observed that this technique consistently yields results. How does it work? ↳ You slightly misstate what the other person's feeling or thinking.  On purpose. Why would it work? Consider this scenario: Counterpart: 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘮𝘣𝘪𝘨𝘶𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘫𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦. You: "It sounds like you're not confident about the deadline." Counterpart: "Not at all. We're confident, but we need to refine the scope a bit." Result: Critical new information unlocked. The reason why this technique works lies in human psychology.  ↳ We love to correct others.  ↳ It’s an innate drive. Especially when it comes to correcting misperceptions about ourselves. And in the process, we often reveal more than intended in the process. To use it effectively, follow these 3 tips: 1. Stay close to the truth, but miss the mark slightly 2. Use it sparingly (nobody likes a constant mis-understander) 3. Be ready to listen. Like, really listen. I explore this concept in depth in the video below on advanced negotiation tactics. For the negotiation experts among us:  What sophisticated techniques do you employ to uncover crucial information in high-stakes discussions? Share your insights below. Let's learn from our collective expertise. --------------------------------- Hi, I’m Scott Harrison and I help executive and leaders master negotiation & communication in high-pressure, high-stakes situations.  - ICF Coach and EQ-i Practitioner - 24 yrs | 19 countries | 150+ clients   - Negotiation | Conflict resolution | Closing deals 📩 DM me or book a discovery call (link in the Featured section)

You could have the best ideas. But still sabotage your authority. 👇 Coaching 300+ CEOs, I have seen brilliant professionals unknowingly sabotage their presence. The way you speak, carry yourself, and structure your message sends powerful cues. Here are 7 silent killers of authority – and how to fix them fast 👇 1️⃣ Weak Self-Introduction ❌ “Hi, my name is Oliver and I, uh, kind of do communications, I guess…” ✅ Instead: Introduce yourself with clarity and intent. Say who you are, what you do, and why it matters – in one confident sentence. 2️⃣ Worrying What Others Think ❌ Playing it safe. Over-explaining. Apologizing for your opinion. ✅ Respect your audience by being decisive. Clarity > approval. 3️⃣ Filler Words & Sounds ❌ “Uh, um, like, you know...” ✅ Pause. Breathe. Let silence do the work. 4️⃣ Hiding Behind Slides or Notes ❌Read the room, not your script. ✅ Know your message. Use slides as backup – not a crutch. 5️⃣ Your Body Says “I Don’t Believe in Myself” ❌ Slouched posture, crossed arms, awkward hands. ✅ Stand tall. Use your hands. Hold eye contact. People believe what they see more than what they hear. 6️⃣ Passive Language ❌ “I just wanted to share…” or “Someone should…” ✅ Use direct, active language. You’re not suggesting – you’re leading. 7️⃣Talking Too Fast ❌ Rushing signals nervousness or lack of control. ✅ Slow down. Use strategic pauses to show you’re in command. The most successful leaders don’t hope for authority — they communicate it. And it starts with small shifts like these. 🧠 Which of these 7 are you working on right now? ♻️ Repost to help someone build real presence. 📌 Follow me Oliver Aust for daily strategies to communicate with clarity and confidence.

How people experience you matters more than being seen. Especially when you step into leadership. (Future VP's take note) You can have strong skills and a solid record, but advancement depends on perception. The way others experience your leadership determines whether they see you as tactical or strategic. Many leaders unknowingly build a reputation for reliability that limits how far they can go. They become known for delivery, not for shaping outcomes. That pattern creates trust but not visibility or influence. As an executive coach, I see this pattern constantly. The problem is rarely competence. The problem is visibility and positioning. People trust your work, but they do not experience you as the guide in the room. Here is how the tactical trap usually shows up: ➤ You are asked to provide updates but not included in actual decision making ➤ Your week is filled with delivery work instead of guiding direction or priorities ➤ Colleagues praise your reliability but leave you out of early strategy conversations Shifting this pattern requires immeditate changes in what you say and how you frame it. These changes reposition you from executor to strategist without adding more work to your plate. Instead of saying, “We are still waiting on the vendor quote,” say, “The team needs to decide whether to delay the launch or use a placeholder estimate.” Instead of saying, “Here is what we accomplished this week,” say, “This is the momentum we have built and what it unlocks for the next step.” Instead of saying, “I will follow up with the designer,” say, “Let us clarify the timeline so the team is not blocked waiting on final files.” These are small but powerful adjustments. (make sure your words are congruent with your actions) They change the way people experience your leadership, and they begin to experience you as the person who brings clarity to the room. Here are two practical shifts you can make this week: ✔️ Before your next meeting, write at the top of your notes: What decision or direction should come out of this conversation? ✔️ When discussion drifts or stalls, use this line: Would it help if I offered a quick frame to move us forward? These moves reposition you as a leader who shapes conversations instead of reacting to them. They create the space for others to see you as a strategist, not only a doer. Remember, how people experience you will outlast anything you say or do (this applies universally).

This week’s soft skill is often ignored, but always powerful: Reading non-verbal cues with empathy, not assumption. Most of us notice body language. Few of us truly understand it. A colleague goes quiet in a meeting, Are they disinterested, or simply overwhelmed? A manager folds their arms, Are they angry, or just thinking? An employee avoids eye contact, Are they shy, or do they not feel safe yet? Here’s the truth: Body language is not a fact, it’s a signal. And signals need empathy, not judgment. When you read cues with empathy: – Conversations feel safer – Conflicts de-escalate – Trust deepens A simple practice to try: Notice the cue. Name it without labeling. Nudge gently with curiosity. Because workplaces don’t just run on words. They run on pauses, silences, and tone. P.S. Next time you see a cue, don’t conclude. Check in, and choose empathy. #SoftSkillsMatter #NonVerbalCommunication #LeadershipDevelopment #EmpathyAtWork

Have you ever walked into a room and instantly felt someone’s energy, even before they said a word? That feeling comes from body language, the silent but powerful way we communicate without speaking. I was reminded of this in a workshop we ran for senior managers from a pension services company. It focused on giving constructive feedback using the SBI framework, which stands for Situation, Behavior, and Impact. The participants had clearly prepared. Their wording was sharp and their structure was sound. On paper, it looked excellent. But as the practice conversations unfolded, something felt off. Their words said one thing, while their bodies told another story. Eyes drifted away. Fingers fidgeted. Legs trembled under the table. One person kept snapping his fingers and thumbs out of nervousness. A few had slouched shoulders & dry lips. Even though they were using the SBI model correctly, the people receiving feedback did not feel reassured. The nonverbal cues revealed discomfort, hesitation, and fear. That experience reminded me of an interview panel I sat on a few years earlier. The first candidate walked in with shoulders slightly hunched, eyes avoiding contact, and hands that would not settle. He answered every question well, yet the confidence he described never appeared. Then another candidate came in. She held her head up, smiled gently, & used natural gestures. The room felt different from the moment she entered. Her presence conveyed calm & connection long before she spoke. It was a clear lesson that our bodies often speak before our mouths do. Body language is more than posture or hand gestures. It shows up in the rhythm of our breathing when we are anxious, in tiny expressions that flicker across our faces, & in the way we mirror someone when we feel in sync. It is the unseen thread that connects people beyond words. In leadership, that thread matters a great deal. A manager can say, I value your contribution, but if their arms are crossed, their tone is flat, or their eyes are on a screen, the words land as hollow. On the other hand, steady eye contact, an open posture, a calm tone, & a simple nod can make difficult feedback feel fair and supportive. When nonverbal signals match intent, communication becomes connection. The encouraging news is that body language can be practiced & strengthened. Standing with a grounded posture, facing people fully when you speak, keeping your arms uncrossed, making kind eye contact, & offering a sincere smile can change how others perceive you and how you feel about yourself. Confidence & warmth have a way of spreading. Reading body language matters as much as expressing it. A pause, a shift in posture, a quick glance away are meaningful cues. When we notice those signals and respond with empathy, conversations move from information exchange to genuine understanding. So next time you are in a meeting, pause for a moment & notice the unspoken stories around you. #nyraleadershipconsulting

What Hand Gestures Reveal in High-Stakes Negotiations This time, I won’t be focusing on the negotiation tools, tactics, or strategies I often write about. Instead, I want to draw your attention to something just as important: body language. Take a close look at this photo of two world leaders. At first glance, they look almost identical. Both are seated, both in dark suits with red ties, both with hands positioned in front of them. But appearances can be deceiving. Their hands — and more importantly, their whole-body language — tell two very different stories. The Surface Similarity The hand positions look nearly the same. That’s what makes this comparison interesting. Because the difference isn’t in the placement — it’s in the tension, quality, and posture behind it. The Controlled Gesture On the left, the hands rest loosely, fingers touching gently, almost forming a downward steeple. This is a grounding gesture: calm, deliberate, and composed. The relaxed fingers and open posture signal patience and self-control. Supported by upright shoulders, it projects confidence and balance. The Tense Gesture On the right, the hands are clasped tightly, fingers interlaced, knuckles pressing outward. This is a tension gesture, often linked with stress, frustration, or defensiveness. Interlocked fingers act as a form of self-soothing, a way to “hold it together.” Add in the forward-leaning posture and tightened shoulders, and the whole body communicates pressure and unease. The Whole-Body Picture This is where context matters. Hands alone tell part of the story, but when combined with posture, breathing, and muscle tension, the signals become clear: One individual says: I’m in control. The other says: I’m under strain. The Lesson for Negotiators Body language rarely lies. While words can be rehearsed, the body often reveals what’s really happening beneath the surface. For a SMARTnership negotiator, the key isn’t to exploit these signals. It’s to use them as insight. If my counterpart is calm and controlled, I may need to shift strategy to open the conversation. If they’re tense and defensive, it’s a sign to slow down, reduce pressure, and explore where hidden value (NegoEconomics) can be unlocked. Where a competitive negotiator might see weakness, a SMARTnership negotiator sees an opportunity to build trust, create transparency, and generate stronger results for both sides. Because negotiation isn’t just about the words on the table. It’s about the signals in the room — and what we choose to do with them. When my book 'Positive Impact' was initially released, it was honored with the title Management Book of the Year. The book explored how trust, transparency, and communication create influence and impact — and a central theme was body language. https://a.co/d/cRULOdR #negotiation #bodylanguage SMARTnership Negotiation World Commerce & Contracting BMI Executive Institute UCLouvain I BMI Executive Institute

Executive Presence Starts in the Body—Not Just the Head For most of us, training to be a leader entails somebody telling us what a leader should look like, think like and act like. We waste time trying to “fake it until we make it” by memorizing this external image of leadership and mimicking it, to the best of our ability. However, true leadership starts in our body, not our head. Let’s talk about something most leadership programs never mention: Your nervous system is leading your team long before your strategy does. Before you open your mouth. Before you decide. Before you hit “send.” Your body is already speaking. So what is the nervous system? Your nervous system is your body’s internal security system. It constantly scans your environment—internally and externally—for cues of safety or threat. It’s not intellectual. It’s instinctual. It doesn’t wait for you to think your way into safety. It acts first. It tells your body: 🧍🏾♀️“You’re safe—relax, connect, lead with ease.” or ⚠️ “Something’s wrong—brace yourself, protect, shut down, escape.” This is happening all the time. Not just during emergencies. Even during an email. A staff meeting. A Zoom call. A tough conversation. But how does this affect leadership? Because your body leads your presence. And presence is what people actually follow. When your nervous system is regulated (safe, grounded, connected), you lead with: Clarity Curiosity Empathy Capacity to listen and decide with intention But when your system is dysregulated (stuck in survival mode), leadership starts to look like: Reactivity Over-control Avoidance Indecision Shutdown And even if your words are “right,” people will feel that something is off. Real-life example? Let’s say you read a triggering email right before a team check-in. Your system goes into “fight or flight.” You don’t even realize it. You show up to the meeting short, intense, and rushed. You think you’re just “getting things done.” But your team walks away feeling anxious, unseen, or confused. Why? Because your body was leading—and it was leading from fear. So what’s the alternative? Regulation. Not perfection. Not control. Just presence. At H3Being, we teach a leadership model that includes the Body, alongside the Head, Heart, and Hands. Because we know that: You can’t think clearly when your body feels unsafe You can’t lead relationally when your system is in protection You can’t take aligned action when you’re shut down or disconnected Leadership doesn’t start with your to-do list. It starts with the state of your nervous system If you’ve been feeling like something’s off… If you’ve been snapping, avoiding, numbing, or just “pushing through”… It might not be your skillset. It might be your nervous system. : : : : : #H3being #nervoussystem #leadership #safetycues

After years of working with multi-country stakeholders and culturally diverse teams, one pattern shows up repeatedly: We don’t just manage performance. We manage cultural interpretation of performance. I’ve seen: • Employees logging off on time viewed as “low commitment” by one geography and “highly efficient” by another • Direct feedback appreciated in some regions but perceived as abrasive in others • Respectful silence mistaken for disengagement • Healthy debate labeled as lack of alignment Same behaviour. Different lens. Different career outcomes. In global and remote teams, the biggest risk isn’t capability gaps — it’s misreading cultural cues. And as HR leaders, this is where we influence fairness the most. Before labeling someone’s style, I often pause and ask: Are we assessing performance… or familiarity with our own cultural norms? Because culture shapes behaviour. And perception shapes careers. #GlobalHR #TalentManagement #WorkplaceCulture #RemoteTeams #Leadership #FutureOfWork